Thoughts for the Holidays

Dear Families,

During this time of festivities and busy schedules, let us remember to take time, slow down, and enjoy the real meaning of the season.

Allow me to share one of my favorite poems with all of you.

What shall we give the children?

What shall we give the children?
Christmas is almost here,
Toys, and games, and playthings,
As we do every year?

Yes, for the magic of toyland
Is part of the yuletide lore
To gladden the hearts of childhood
But I shall give something more.

I shall give them more patience,
A more sympathetic ear.
A little more time for laughter,
Or tenderly dry a tear.

I shall take time to teach them
The joy of doing some task.
I'll try to find time to answer
More of the questions they ask.

Time to read books together,
And take long walks in the sun;
Time for a bedtime story
After the day is done.

I shall give these to my children,
Weaving a closer tie,
Knitting our lives together
With the gifts that money can't buy.

-- Author Unknown

However you celebrate, may the Holiday Season bring you closer to family and friends!

Stay well and enjoy,

Dr. Chrystal de Freitas

The flu…the flu…the flu!

What a stressful season this has been. What, with sick kids, information about the flu flying all over the place (the media, the neighbors, the schools), and the lack of vaccines at the pediatrician’s office. Talk about frustration!

This year’s season is more noticeable because we are all susceptible to this new strain. No one has previous immunity to it. Therefore, we all need to be vaccinated.

Recently, during the last week of October, the Public Health Departments received ample doses of the H1N1 vaccine. Although the lines are long, the vaccine is available and is free of charge. If you go to the Health Department, please make sure you bring your child’s immunization card so it can be updated.

At the same time, there is no need to panic. Our health care facilities, pediatrician’s offices, and Rady Children Hospital are all bursting at the seams with kids who may be mildly ill and will do fine staying home with lots of TLC.

Listed below are the main symptoms to be attentive to regarding your child and the flu:

· Fever greater than 100 degrees

· Respiratory symptoms like a cough and runny nose

· Fatigue

· Body aches

If these symptoms occur, it is best for your child to stay at home, limit his/his contact with others (especially young children), and get plenty of rest. Most cases of the flu resolve spontaneously, without any specific treatment.

Do not hesitate to contact your physician if your child develops any of the following symptoms:

· Difficulty breathing or shortness of breath

· Pain or pressure in the chest or abdomen

· Sudden dizziness or confusion

· Severe or persistent vomiting

· Persistent fever or return of fever

Last but not least, teach your children how to cough in their elbows and to wash their hands often.

Get vaccinated!

Stay well,

Dr. Chrystal de Freitas

Don't Crush the Crush!

As early as age 8 or 9, parents may begin to notice that their children start selecting a “best friend,” and they begin to identify and imitate one another, almost to exclusion; the friend may become the child’s sole source of attention.

As the child gets a bit older, say age 11 or 12, their attention may turn to another adult. It may be a friend’s mom, a teacher, or a coach. You may hear your child comment that this person “knows so much” and “oh my gosh, he is so cool!” These attractions may actually have a sexual quality for your child, taking the form of a crush, but they rarely materialize past the child’s imagination.

During these times, when a stranger seems to be the focus of the child’s emotional attention, parents can be amused by these emotions and make light of them, or they may feel neglected and hurt.

The pre-teen years are characterized as a period of new growth and mental thinking, during which time the child is more assertive—the brunt of the latter may actually fall on mom’s shoulders. This can be, therefore, a confusing time for the child and a frustrating time for the parents.

Understand that crushes are a normal part of their development and helps pre-teen develop their sense of self. These are the first steps in the development of autonomy that is so vital toward them developing their identity toward being and individual.

I suggest the following guidelines when dealing with your pre-teen’s intense emotions surrounding another person:

1) Do not tease or belittle your child’s feelings for this person. Being able to establish relationships outside the family is an important, healthy skill that will be used during adulthood.

2) Remind your child that he/she needs to be able to think for him or herself, following the family’s code of conduct for responsible behavior.

I also suggest that parents take the time to look at the child objectively. Ask yourself, “Why is your child attracted to that particular person, and what are the characteristics that might surprise you about your child?”

It is also worthwhile to ensure that the other adult is capable of establishing healthy boundaries with your child. Children that are emotionally needy may be so flattered by an attentive adult that they are not able to establish healthy boundaries. In this regard, they could become “victims” of the adult’s love and affection in a very unequal and potentially dangerous way.

Crushes can be a normal and healthy part of pre-teen emotional life. Some pass very quickly, while others resolve with the normal maturation process of puberty. A crush can provide the pre-teen with an imaginary practice session where mistakes and magic can happen and no one is there to tattle!

Wishing you healthy chats with your children,

Dr. Chrystal de Freitas

(P.S. - I had a crush in fifth grade. His name was Michael!)

Tampons & Your Pre-teen Girl

I recently received a phone call from a mom who had attended one of my seminars. Her daughter, now 12, had just started her period and had a soccer tournament to attend and she wanted me to help her re-explain to her daughter how to use a tampon.

Although there are no contraindications for young girls to use tampons, I didn’t think that the first trial should be during the time of a soccer tournament. Just a little too much going on to make it her first attempt. I explained this to mom and she agreed. At the same time we talked about the fact that her daughter's first periods will probably be light and a thin pad with wings should work well. Luckily, the girls’ soccer shorts are not white – but instead, black! Smart.

For those moms who haven’t made it to one of my seminars in San Diego or have watched the Healthy Chats for Girls DVD here is a list of things to keep in a pouch for your young pre-teen girl to have handy:

1) 2 or 3 liners

2) A thin pad with wings

3) A spare pair of panties in a plastic sandwich bag

4) A plastic baggie to discard the used pad and bring back the used panties

5) A quarter to purchase extra pads, just in case

6) A sanitary wipe – this is a relatively new item and very convenient

7) A note from mom (your choice of thoughtful, encouraging words!)

By preparing this pouch (or period kit) for your daughter, you will show her that you are there for her, regardless of the mood swings. Ah, those dreadful mood swings. We can talk about that more another time...

Wishing you healthy chats with your children,

Dr. Chrystal de Freitas

Calling all Mothers & Pre-teen Girls: Let's have healthy chats about puberty, periods & babies!

Hi!

I am a pediatrician, but most of all I treasure my role as a mother. I love speaking with other mothers about their pre-teen girls -- the ups and downs of those awkward years and the amazing changes that the girls (and we mothers) go through during puberty.

It all started for me 15 years ago, as my youngest daughter was about to have her health education class at school. Not knowing much about what they were going to teach her, I felt the need to get involved. I learned soon enough that the curriculum was meager and the girls were very curious. In an attempt to help them, a new passion emerged. Since then I’ve taught thousands of moms and daughters in my seminars about puberty, periods, and the birds and the bees.

I have accumulated quite a bit of valuable information over the years that I would like to share with all of you: what changes the girls should expect, how they should deal with puberty, explaining periods, and talking to girls about babies, and yes, SEX.

Be sure to check back here monthly for a new blog and please feel free to send me your comments, questions and experiences. In the next few months, I'll have a similar blog where the girls can e-mail me and I’ll respond to them as a pediatrician, always encouraging them to go back to you moms for support.

Let’s have healthy chats and healthy periods...

Dr. de Freitas