Merry Christmas, Happy Chanukah, Happy Holidays & All that Good Stuff to One and All!

This is the season we celebrate by giving gifts. We do this to show others that we care, however, showing that we care doesn’t always have to be in the form of gift giving. In fact, there are well established ways in which ALL of us feel loved.

Let’s look at these different ways in which our children – as well as we – feel loved and incorporate them into this season. Perhaps new rituals, insights into our children's preferences, and loving memories will come forth!

• Gifts. Giving and receiving gifts is certainly a clear way in which others feels loved. But I must laugh as I recall the story of the boy who gives his mother a baseball bat.
• Time Together. Now many parents will say: “But I spend tons of time with my child.” We do while we drive them back and forth to school, running errands, and while cooking dinner. This is not the type of “time together” that shows how much we love them. Of course, these times are needed too, but “time together” means time during which your child is in charge and decides the activity. The parent is the follower, the student, or the caboose. The child is the leader. Time together takes on a new meaning when done this way.
• Hugs. We all remember grandmas’ hugs that engulf us and make us feel so special. A hug, a smile or any verbal expression of joy at the site of our children tells them how very special they are. For the older kids who don’t tolerate bear hugs anymore, a hand on the shoulder, a simple touch of admiration is sufficient.
• Acts of Service. Pick an activity that is a shared interest and engage with your child. This could be coaching his/her team, girl/boy scout activities, serving at a local charity or even re-doing their bedroom. These shared everyday experiences show the child -- by our participation and interest -- that they are part of our lives too.
• Words of Admiration. Talk to them; tell your child how pleased you are about being their parent. What a great job they are doing in school, how much you love them, how adorable they look when they are dressed in a particular way, and on and on and on. Children never tire of hearing the words of admiration.

As I myself have reviewed the above options, I’ve also discovered that for me, acts of service and time together are the main sources of how I like to receive love. If you haven’t recognized it as yet, this information is taken from The Five Languages of Love by Dr. Gary Chapman. This wonderful book has helped me not only understand myself better but also understand how those who are important in my life like to be loved.

I hope it can help you with the same. It’s never too late to learn to show and receive love!

Happy New Year to all of us!

May you love and be loved,

Dr. Chrystal de Freitas

Your Child’s Strengths

Many of you know that I teach a seminar for mothers and daughters about puberty, menstruation, birth and conception. Before I start each seminar I ask each mother to introduce her daughter (often to the girl's embarrassment!) by describing her in a single word. This simple task can be truly revealing, and what I’m actually after in asking this is to find out what the daughter’s strongest trait is in her mother’s eyes. Regardless of your child’s age, take a moment to complete this exercise: what word would you use to describe your child?

Pediatric literature tells us that as early as age three, a child’s dominant personality traits are beginning to show. Simply being aware of your child’s favorite activities and behavioral patterns can provide some insight into what your child’s strengths may be. For example:

• The rambunctious toddler who is a daredevil now may later in life be the athlete.
• The melodramatic preschooler who cries at the minor mishap may later on become an amazing actress who is able to express emotions in a unique way.
• The child who would rather draw and color may be a future artist.
• The one who loves to read and can’t get enough books may be the writer, the producer or the editor of the local newscast.

Now, not all the strengths are appealing or as clear cut as the above examples. Here are others:

• Kids who argue and are contrarians about everything make us wish for a more receptive child. Yet, these youngsters are great debaters, lawyers and later in life go on to serve great causes.
• The teen that only wants to play music and bang on the drums in lieu of math may be giving us a clear tune of what his or her future may be.

As parents, we all want our children to find activities that they can excel at and enjoy. Before the typical onslaught of extra-curricular activities begins, encourage your child in the activities they are naturally drawn to and happiest doing. Don’t be afraid to discover what your child is attracted to, and let them guide you. It will pay off in the long run.

Wishing you healthy chats with your children,

Dr. Chrystal de Freitas

Bullying and our Children

The school year is in full swing and your child is adjusting to once again being in that unique social environment.

It's always important to strike a balance between involving yourself in your child's life and allowing them room to develop a sense of independence. Socializing at school can be the first time they form a consistent identity outside of your family, and his or her social comfort becomes increasingly important to their sense of self.

Recently, there has been much news about bullying in schools and online and it is always a concern for parents. Knowing not only how to identify if your child is being bullied, but helping them deal with an active bully is of utmost importance for the health of their social life and self esteem.

For the younger child, bullying takes many forms -- from unkind words, mean spirited isolation from other friends and activities to full blown physical injury. Bullying online is a relevant topic for parents of older children, to be addressed in a future newsletter.

The guidelines addressing the question below can serve as a foundation for parents of younger, elementary school-age children.

How would you know if your young child is being bullied?

1) Be involved in your child’s school life. Car pooling and volunteering for school events always gives the parent a bird’s eye view of the interactions between the children.

2) Get to know your child’s friends. Know your their names, what they like, and who their parents are. Who is your child’s best friend, and more importantly, why?

3) Make contact with your child’s teachers. Make it a routine to touch base with your child’s teachers regularly. Don’t wait for the official “parent-teacher” quarterly conference, make contact during drop off and pick up times or at school events.

4) Ask your child. Talk to your child not only about his/her day, but about how other children treat them. For example a question like, “how are you getting along with the kids in your class?” can lead to a revealing conversation about how your child sees themselves in the social environment of the classroom or playground. Listening to your child regularly will establish you as someone they can talk to. Be aware of your child's typical mood before and after the school day.

5) This may seem obvious, but of course, all physical injury needs to be thoroughly account for: by the child, the teacher, and should be brought to the attention of school authorities.

Bullying can range in severity and obviously the degree of intervention depends on this. Here are some guidelines for those minor situations that present in everyday life:

• Avoid the urge to step in and come to your child’s defense. It is best to give them the tools to deal with the bully independently (see below). This will help them build critical communication skills for the future.

• Give them support, boost their self esteem, listen to them, ask how it makes them feel when they're bullied and how it specifically happens.

• Correct any false attitudes being presented to your child - name calling and insults can be harmful if not dismissed as nonsense and replaced with positive talk.

• Plan a strategy together about the best course of action - whether it's to say something to the bully directly, ignore the bully completely, or get a teacher involved if it happens again.
  

• Above all, your child needs to know that they can come to you whenever the situation gets uncomfortable and that you are on their side.

Learning how to deal with the bully is a life skill so let us work with our children and give them the tools to stand up for themselves!

Wishing you healthy chats with your children,

Dr. Chrystal de Freitas

It’s Back to School Again!

Another summer has passed and the kids keep growing. One of the sure ways to keep our children healthy is to immunize them according to their age-specific needs. We all know about the dreaded kindergarten shot…and then we feel we are done. But not so fast! There still are serious diseases out there than can threaten the health of our children and they can be protected with a simple vaccine.

Here are the ones to keep in mind:

tDaP – This is the vaccine to boost children against tetanus, diphtheria, and pertussis (otherwise known as whooping cough). These booster shots do just that, they boost the child’s immune response to be able fight against these illnesses that are still lurking. This booster is given between the ages of 11 and 15 years.

Meningitis –Neisseria meningitides bacterium can cause a particular type of meningitis (an inflammation of the lining of the brain) in the very young but also in high school and college students. This can be a quickly devastating illness. Anyone over age 11 should receive this vaccine.

HPV – Human Papiloma Virus – This is a relatively new vaccine that is being offered to adolescents – males and females - to prevent genital warts and cervical cancer in females. It consists of a series of three doses and should be completed in six months and before the teen leaves for college. Teenagers should receive this vaccine before initiating sexual activity. (Note: This does not mean we endorse this behavior in any way!)

Influenza – The year influenza vaccine for the year 2010 is now available for all children 6 months and over. This year, the vaccine includes two strains of the H1N1 virus that were present last year. For children 2 years and over, there is a flu mist vaccine; a gentle intranasal spray with an attenuated virus that give protection for the upcoming flu season. For children 6 months and older, there is a dead virus in an injectable, preservative-free vaccine.

As our children grow and life changes continue to occur, let’s give them the best possible health foundation for their future.

Stay tuned for our Fall newsletter coming soon (be sure to sign up now at www.healthychats.com if you haven’t already). In the meantime, keep your child healthy and stay involved in their lives!

Wishing you a fun & successful school year,

Dr. Chrystal de Freitas

Celebrations: The Rituals of Family Life!

It’s that time of the year once again. Not just the holidays, but those close of the school year celebrations -- from recitals to end of year school parties to graduations. Everybody is excited, and if not at least a little relieved that another school year has come to an end. And we all say the same thing year after year: “Where did the time go, has it really been a whole year?”


This year is no exception. We too are celebrating the graduation of our eldest daughter from UC Davis Veterinary School. We had always hoped this for her, but the amazement that it actually is happening is very special.


Family life is full of these rituals that give meaning, and at the same time, provide us the opportunity to make memories and cement a foundation of love and security for the children. It tell them that they are important and that we value family events -- and how special is to be part of the universe at large.


Here are some tips to make these milestones even more special:


1- As much as kids hate it when mom takes their pictures (at least mine do), go right ahead and take as many photographs as possible. With all our fancy technology this is easier than ever and as parents we love capturing these memorable moments, big or small.

2- Always include everyone, not just the celebrant. Group pictures also provide a sense of community for the children to view later on in life.

3- Encourage the children to write thank you notes, or at least an e-mail with an attached photo to those who participated in their event in any way.

4- Don’t forget the refrigerator! That imposing, all important place in the family household that will hold a special place for that special picture for the rest of the summer.

Make the memories more vivid by celebrating these rituals. You children may not seem to care at this stage of their lives, but I guarantee that with time they will all look back and laugh until they cry as they remember their family life.


Stay well and have safe summer,


Dr. Chrystal de Freitas


(Look for our blog again in September. We’re taking the summer off too!)

My Mother’s Day Wish for you & for me! A message to our daughters.

As I’ve traveled across the country from San Diego to Washington, DC to Bakersfield and other places, I speak to mothers from all walks of life and from all cultural backgrounds, from the USA, the Philippines, Mexico, and Puerto Rico. It never ceases to amazing how very consistent and similar we all are as human beings.

The mothers and daughters that I meet are all trying so hard to get along – but of course, mostly the moms! If our daughters only knew for sure how much we want what is best for them and how hard we are trying to help them along the way! I find myself in the same position year after year, not only with the young girls who cross my path but also with my own daughters as they grow into young adults. Our role as a mother never ceases. If they only knew!

Here is the message I would like to share with all the daughters, including my own Cecily and Jocelyn –

We love you dearly and only want the best for your future lives…

We may not know what do all the time, or how best to say what we want to say, but give us some slack and we will get there.

Although you may not want to be with us all the time, we understand.

We promise to treat you with respect and only ask the same in return.

We as mothers are proud of all the potential that is within you as your grow through the different stages of life.

Talk to me – I will try to listen better.

Be open to my comments – they are said within a framework of love.

Life is meant to be shared, enjoyed as we leave the world a better place for those to come.

May you all have a wonderful Mother’s Day!

With heartfelt regards to all those amazing girls & their caring moms,

Dr. Chrystal de Freitas

Healthcare Reform and Children

In the past weeks, I’ve been asked several times about my opinion about the healthcare reform legislation and how it will affect us all, especially the children. But who has time to read the enormous manuscript, let alone interpret it and put all the pieces together? It is daunting even to us in the healthcare field. It has left me thinking how are we supposed to do the best for our children when we can’t even understand the basic coverage that may (or may not) be available?

Since a good deal of this will require us all to wait and see, let’s look at a more practical approach, applicable to our everyday lives. The following are some pointers on managing your child’s health information that I want to share with all of you.

When it comes to your children, keep a file with the basic information about their health, including:

• Date of birth and related adverse events at that time.
• Social Security Number
• Blood Type – Many pediatricians have this information on record for them.
• Allergies – If your child has a moderate or severe allergy to a particular food or medication this is a vital piece of information to have available.
• Major Health Issues – These don’t need to be every flu or upper respiratory infection, but things like Kawasaki’s Disease, asthma, broken bones or surgeries.
• Immunization Records – These are needed all the way up to college entrance. Keep these up to date as your child grows.
• Present or long term medications

Other milestones such first words, steps, etc. are more relevant as memories for us mothers than for health issues, unless they come much later than the benchmark ages for these achievements.

As time moves on, the details of the healthcare reform will become more evident. As of now, it appears that the reports are favorable for children, especially for those with long term medical conditions.

Wishing you good health & healthy chats with your children,

Dr. Chrystal de Freitas

Photo: (c) David Niblack/Imagebase.com

An Early Start

Throughout the years, there has been a lot of talk about abstinence programs and their effectiveness.

A recent study showed - without a doubt to the medical world - that abstinence education does work in help teens delaying sexual activity. But the advice doesn’t stop there. More studies are needed that will include a broad comprehensive approach, as we cannot put all our eggs in one basket, so to speak!

It amazes me how the very important, sensitive topic of sexuality - one that has enormous implications on our children’s future health - is treated with such taboo and controversy. When it comes to the health of our children, we should be willing to look at all the possibilities and put forth the effort that it takes to give them the best chance possible for a safer journey into adulthood.

The first concept that is clearly being challenged at this time is the notion that all the responsibility lies in our school systems. Over and over it has been proven that children, including tweens and teens, still crave their parents’ opinions and involvement. As parents we may not see the benefits of our efforts right away, in fact, we may even experience the cold shoulder, the moody pre-teen, or the sullen teenager. But they ARE listening, so take heart.

Start early and discuss these important topics with your children often. Don’t “talk” to them – but converse with them. Engage them in a dialogue, be flexible, and educate yourself to speak to your child based on their age and the information that they need at that time. It will pay off in huge benefits as they grow into responsible adults.

Some basic guidelines include:

• Have a family mission statement that you can mentally refer back to when talking with your children about this topic. Include your values and family morals and put together a 2 to 3 sentence statement about your core beliefs regarding sexuality.

• Use correct words/names when talking about sexuality. Although children will learn the slang words for body parts and other sexual terminology, review the correct words with the same respect you would any other topic.

• Learn what children at different ages need to know. The younger the child, less information is needed, but don’t confuse this not providing accurate information. Avoid perpetuating myths to “protect” their ignorance – I mean innocence!

By playing an active role early on in your child’s education as it relates to sexuality, they will feel more open about coming to you to discuss these topics and other situations affecting their lives in the future.

Let’s not forget to have healthy chats with our children,

Dr. Chrystal de Freitas

Trillions of Dollars in Deficits, the Economy… and Allowance!

As I listen to the news and try to make sense of the enormity of our national deficit, it is daunting. I can’t quite grasp what a trillion dollar really means! But back to reality and in regards to money, how do we help our children keep on track with this aspect of their lives?

Let’s go for a simple start -- and talk about their allowances.

In the pediatric literature, there is lots of advice and guidelines regarding allowance. Should it be tied into chores… should a parent monitor how it is spent… how much is too much… when should it start? After years of pediatric practice and three children, I’ve seen that there is no one right way. However, there are definitely some helpful guidelines, which I will include here:

• Allowance should start at around 5 years of age and should be modest, depending on the family’s financial situation.

• It should be given independently of chores. This is not to say that chores for young children are elective. By no means! All children should have chores to do commensurate with their age. But they should also receive an allowance.

• Allowance should be given weekly, preferably on the same day

• Give your child some basic guidelines about the allowance:

• One third should be saved.
• One third given to a preferred charity.
• One third to be spent on something of the child’s choice.

Obviously as a parent you have to monitor this but from afar. Allow your child to buy candy or other kid stuff -- even if you feel it’s not quite the wisest decision. This is all part of the learning process.

While I am not sure I completely understand the nation’s trillions of dollars in deficits, I do understand that saving for a rainy day is good advice. At times it seems like there is a thunderstorm out there, but our home should be a safe place where children have a sense of security, abundance, and hope for the future.

Wishing you healthy chats with your children,

Dr. Chrystal de Freitas

Kicking off the New Year: Resolutions for 2010!

We all go through the steps, now that the year is over, and a new year begins. We reflect back on how quickly the time has gone by and what little time we might have left. What do I still have to do? How can we make the world better place? Have I done all that I should be doing? This certainly is a convenient time for new ideas, resolutions, and the age old “to do” list.

The list could be endless, the tasks daunting, and making the world a better place seems so out of reach. But perhaps this year we can figure out a balance. Take some of the old ways, brush them up and revitalize them for the New Year and tackle some new ones.

Here are some of my resolutions:

- Make the hugs last a bit longer. Don’t be the first one to break a hug, be it of a child or a friend.

- Say hello, and take a few more seconds to look the other person in the eye and smile.

- Have an apple every so often. The old saying “An apple a day keeps the doctor away” has some validity.

- Listen more. This is why we have two ears and one mouth.

- Take walks with your children, with your dog, and by yourself.

- Take time to allow the car beside you move into your lane.

- Call a long forgotten relative every now and then.

Some of these I’ll do some more diligently than others, but having them in black and white somehow makes me feel more responsible.

Last but not least, in 2010, as a way of giving back, Healthy Chats is committed to donating a percentage of its My First Period Kit & DVD proceeds to the Kasiisi Girls Support Program in Uganda, in order to provide them with eco-friendly sanitary products. What a life these girls lead -- imagine not being able to go to school several days a month because you're having your period! (These young Ugandan girls are unable to attend school during their menstrual period due to the lack of sanitary pads.) Click Here to learn more about this program.

Here's to a happy, healthy New Year for you and your family!

Wishing you Healthy Chats with your children in 2010,

Dr. Chrystal de Freitas